“Birds of a feather flock together.” Throughout the years this continues to be a well-known proverb. In a way, the literal words can be said for most animals, not just birds. Monkeys of the same species group together and often do not interact with another species. The same species of fish will come together as a school of fish while leaving out another species. We, as humans, intentionally do the same. Yet we divide further than just our own species. We look to others in a search for similarities. It leads to a sort of comfort zone and a way to feel safe and understood. It’s as simple as making friends through extracurricular activities. I have made friends when I used to take dance classes as we had the common interest of dance. I have made friends at design school as we have the common interest of design thinking and some sort of architecture. In some ways it is unintentional. These common interests drive us to unconsciously talk to someone and get to know them. There is an automatic connection that both brings and holds us together.
It is often said that the parent that you disagree with the most, you are in fact most similar too. If only it was as simple as a correlation between reactions and personalities and vice versa. While being like-minded, the same solution to a problem is often not the case. For an example, my mother and I quite often “butt-heads.” We start with the same idea and opinion but we process the situation differently. This leads to two different outcomes and a disagreement instead of a solution. We often have to agree to disagree as there are times when there is no other solution. This can even go as far as my mother getting frustrated with me for one reason that I think is slightly unnecessary. Then at a different time, I get frustrated with her for the same reason that she was previously frustrated with me.
Despite what many perceive, this idea goes beyond the relationships of friendships and family members, and any other kind of relationship that we value. It leans towards the idea of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer. It shows why in fact, that saying is harder to accomplish than we believe it to be. Yes, we can all agree that we have similarities when compared to our friends. Yet, we do have our differences. It would not be bearable, for some, to be with someone extremely similar to yourself often, for example, our enemies. These are the people that we dislike, maybe even despise. They are the people we try to avoid, whether it’s not wanting to hear them or even just not wanting to see them. These are the people, surprisingly, that we are most similar too. We may think the same, act the same, have many of the same interests, and have many of the same likes and dislikes. This is what causes the “butting-heads,” arguments, and avoidance. This is where the need for space, no, a need for difference comes into play.
But yet, is this a result of feeling like our uniqueness has suddenly been taken away or the idea that these similarities are in fact the “bad” qualities of ourselves that we are seeing in others? Yes, I can admit it. There are certainly some qualities of myself that I do not like and I wish were different. Some can change over time with effort but some I seem to be stuck with no matter what, such as anxiety. Yes, there are very good coping methods, but this trait will never fully go away. While I’m wishing that these qualities could change, whether it’s possible or not, I notice the exact same qualities in others. Most times it is frustrating. If I’m trying or at least thinking about changing, why is that person still like that? Are they trying or do they see it as a “good” quality? In my struggle, even how slight it may be, they appear to be doing just fine with how they are. It’s those slight reminders of our “bad” qualities that really get to us.
Or, like I mentioned, it can go beyond this. In this world today, while so many are striving for uniqueness, it comes as a rarity. Sometimes it can be unexpected to see a certain trait of ourselves in the personality of another. Despite often being told that assumptions are never good, we can all hold ourselves to that fault. People, including myself, may accidentally assume that a certain trait is possible for our own personality and no one else’s. As soon as that statement is put into question, it’s as if our distinctive characteristics are put into question of being our own.
Even when it’s not a trait and something that is more in our control such as our words or actions, similarity can create frustration. When someone else uses our words or replicates our “look,” we don’t realize that it is often done out of flattery and appreciation. We see it as a way that someone is taking our individualism away from us and making it into their own. As a result, we distance ourselves from these people and do not allow them into our “flock.”
Noticing the similarities between ourselves and others will create both solutions and problems. The outcome solely depends on your perspective on the situation.
-The Crunchy Granola Nut
©The Crunchy Granola Nut
